Monday, 1 February 2010

The Penny Drops

It was a full moon this weekend.

The full moon and I don't agree.

Oh no.

We most certainly don't.

It starts with a bright, brilliant feeling. Everything is clear, I feel vibrant and alive.

As the day progresses, the light starts to disappear, irrational thoughts spring to mind and start to multiply.

Soon I am seething, brimming and boiling with intense emotion and it grows and grows until I burst into a huge sea of tears and verbally crap all over the Ear via the telephone.

This completely strange process and polar ends of the emotional spectrum are totally unexplainable.

'What is WRONG with you?' I ask myself.

'Snap out of it woman.'

Quietly, after having completely expelled every word in my head, I then turn my snot filled face towards the window and there she is.

Big ol' moon.

Playing her moody mood games.

However, this time, Mrs Moon did me a little favour.

She made me realise and totally admit that I am not happy here and above all, I am not myself.

Generally, as a Cancerian, I love to be around people but I also love to faff off on my own and be totally isolated, but this is a CHOICE. In Zamora, I have no choice but to be alone.

I don't know what I want to do with my life, and what I am actually good at that could potentially fulfill me and earn me a cosy living, but I do know that I love to love, and I love to give and receive.

I moved here for love, and I find myself totally alone.

So, that's it.

It's ok to admit defeat.

I'm not running for the hills like a maniac, but I am actively seeking to find open doors and walk straight through them with confidence.

Fuck Zamora, I just want to be loved.

England or Pamplona better make room for me, whom ever calls first.